Do you ever feel a twinge when someone doesn’t laugh at your joke? When your boss tells you to complete a task and then hovers over your shoulder the entire time? When you want to stand up to that one person but they always seem to get the last word?
Of course, you’re human. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Yeah, this is going to be one of “those” posts… Just grab yourself a cup of tea, a brownie, bag of popcorn, whatever it is you do to relax and unwind.
In a study done by Brené Brown, a social researcher, found, after she survey thousands of people across age, race, gender, and cultures found that the one common thread that every human being desires is to be accepted. This then led to that realization, backed by science, that when we don’t feel accepted by a group of some kind whether it be that we identify ourselves by our nationality, cultural heritage, sports team, or family name, we loose a sense of identity.
That’s why when the Romans would conquer a culture they would disperse the people, change their teachers, coins, holidays, and so on. Why was this so important? Because they understood that when you take away a peoples sense of identity as a country, those people will not have something to follow and therefore are easy to lead in whatever direction you want.
Look bub, whether you like it or not, no matter how much you “Rage against the system” , fight the man, or still wear crocs, you answer to someone. You have a boss. I ONLY ANSWER TO MYSELF! Yeah, no. Sit down. The sooner you face it, the sooner you can be more intentional about it. The thing is, that when you don’t have a super crystal clear picture/vision/leader/goal, and your individual role within that, we begin to define ourselves by the lies that we hear in our heads or by what others tell us that we are.
In a nutshell: If you don’t give yourself a definition of who you are, someone else will.
It’s why people drank the coolaid, we get cranky when our boss doesn’t “nurture our potential”, and youngsters join gangs. We all want to belong! We all want to serve a higher mission and to feel like we’re not just floating specks of dust in the universe soon to be gone in the blink of an eye.
Now, I’m not saying we are all going to join a cult, or a gym, or church group, but we’re on the same page. So you know that you want to find your people, your tribe, your amigos! Nothing wrong with that. In fact, that’s healthy. No one wants to be a hermit with an online dating profile named DOGMOM2345. The really, really hard thing that we need to grasp, that will change everything….. is that we don’t have to work for love. I know, you think I’m crazy, I just blew your mind. My mom only gave me kisses when I brought home straight A’s and my dad only respected me if I brought home the winning goal. I’ll say it again…. YOU. DON’T HAVE TO WORK FOR LOOOOOOOOOOOVE. So much easier said than done I’llbeit.
Hannah, how can you be so confident about this? I’ve always felt this way. My daddy felt this way. The checkout lady feels this way. We’ll always be the same, nothing can ever change….. yada, yada, yada.
Now I know that not everyone will agree with me on this. Heck, a good percentage of the world doesn’t acknowledge any kind of spiritual text as legitimate proof of anything. I’m not writing this to prove why or why you shouldn’t believe the entire bible. I think that’s a conversation worth having in person and on your own self discovery journey. Plus, I’m not trying to keep you here all day. HOOOOOwEvERRRRRR, I believe this because I’ve experienced it. Dark to light, sad to happy. Scurd to free. Don’t know how else to put it folks!
The Bible says that Christ died for us while we were still sinners!
That single line alone is significant enough that we should all be weeping from gratefulness. The reason it’s so WiLd?
Firstly, he didn’t wait! He didn’t hang out sipping a cosmic margarita until we were “Good enough” to want to be with us.
Secondly, by doing this He set that standard of truly unconditional love.By doing this action he was sending the message that it’s not until you’re (fill in the blank) pretty enough, smart enough, strong enough, funny enough, old enough, rich enough, any of the disqualifications that we put on ourselves, he blew them out of the water!
You know how they say every man has a price? Well, it’s true. And Jesus set the price value. One million? Five million? No. No? It’s worth death!!! How many people want to pay up willingly? The cost of an item is determined by the cost that someone is willing to pay for it and that’s what he did.
Go find resources. Make investments in yourself.
You know what I love about wedding vows? I love that they’re all about what you’re going to do. By nature it’s meant to be the outward expression of unconditional love to another person. It doesn’t exactly sound romantic if you said, “In health and mild colds. In riches, and unemployment to the extension of four months.”. Sally wouldn’t exactly be running to the alter under those settlements. People say love isn’t selfish, but the vows are! Because they’re all about you! You! You! You’re talking about, in front of all your friends and family how you’re going to be.
There’s this girl whose book I read, stunning book,*1. I’d recommend it. But she quoted her vows in the book and it went something like this…. I promise to love myself, to treat myself, to invest in myself, that I may in turn love you, treat you, and invest in you.
See, what I’m trying to get at is that you need to do what it takes to fill yourself up. That’s no body else’s job. And trust me, if they could, I’m sure they would, because I guarantee you are not the sweetest cupcake in the shop when all of your tanks are running on empty.
Now, this is a topic I love and could talk about for ages. But my words are starting to lag, which happens when I’ve written a lot and lets me know it’s a good stopping point. So I’ll leave you with all these thoughts.
Some resources
Anything by Brene Brown
Keep your love on by Danny Silk
You’re a bad*ss by Jen Sincero
The happiness equation by Neil Pasricha
*1- God Loves Ugly: & love makes beautiful by Christa Black
