There are enough seats at the table

You are gonna be your biggest critique. I think that most people disqualify themselves before anyone else gets the chance. Like, I’m actually curious how many people, when they’re going to chase their dreams, how many people actually tell them they can’t do something. Like, one or two, even three, even five. That’s going to feel like everyone, but when you actually think about how many people probably think you can do it, five shouldn’t be the end all be all. Are you going to let five people stop you? Really?

What I’m really trying to get at with this is that there are enough opportunities for everyone to succeed. If you can’t praise someone else for their success, I’ll just say this, you’re not an ally, you set yourself up to have enemies when you’re thinking like that. That is prideful, that is jealousy, that is a lack mindset. Does that sound like someone you wanna be? Your time just hasn’t come yet and your eyes are not open to opportunities when you’re thinking like this. Because if you only think there is one way to get to the goal you’re going for, and that doesn’t work out, you’re not going to see that there was this side door open all the time and you’re going to think that God hates you, you’re screwed, all this stuff, when it’s actually like, it was there the whole time but you just missed it because you were looking at someone else walking out their path, their journey, you don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes.

You don’t have to tear other people down to get where you need to go. Leaders are people who build communities, tribes, who build others up, they have a team, group mindset because they know when they’re on the same team as someone, the stronger that person is, the stronger their tribe is and they know that someone elses success is their own success. Let me give you an extreme example. You know parents when their kids succeed, in a healthy dynamic, their parent is proud and they hope their kids will go further than them and that means they want to go as far as they can so their kids can go further. It’s a positive cycle. But have you ever seen a parent that say, maybe gets jealous that their kid is doing well at something they failed at and suddenly they’re trying to sabatogue their own kid. It gets nasty real quick and you know it’s not a good place to be.

So when you look at your work life, your friendships, your family, are you happy whne they get that propmotion, when they get into a relationship, when they’re seeing progress in an area you’ve been working towards. The thing is they also become an incredible resource to you, for knowledge, for connections, and when you’re jealous you cut them up, metaphorically, you are telling your subconscious that you don’t want to be like them, you know how hard it is to become like what you don’t like? Imagine if you told yourself things like, I knew it was possible. Look, someone I know has done it, I can do it too, I should ask them what their secrets are, I’m going to priase the pants off them for all the work they’ve done and send a message to myself that I will get there too, it’s just a matter of time.

There is a seat waiting for me when I’m ready. So I’m going to do everything in my power to be ready when that day comes.

It’s okay to mourn someone who shouldn’t be a part of your life.

Hurt people hurt people

This is something I wish I’d realized a lot earlier in life. Because we so often discount ourselves or think we’re inadequet because of what people do to us. We think we’re unworthy of the life that we want because other people might think that.

We will lose out on opportunities because we accept what someone else has told us.

I have two points:

One- Other people being cruel to you has little to do with who you are and everything to do with them. You do not want to be caught in the cycle of trying to please someone who doesn’t have interest in protecting someone outside of themselves.

People give what they have inside. If you have love, you can give love to someone who doesn’t deserve it, that’s grace. But if all you have is hate, it doesn’t matter how kind you are to that person, that’s what they’re gonna give.

Also remember, often times when someone is critical of you, I guarentee that they are being 10 times harder on themselves.

Don’t take these arrows personally. I know it’s hard, but if you can tell yourself, this isn’t about me, I just simply walked infront of them, this will help you

The second point is that say someone has taken up a personal vendeta towards you. This is especially hard when it’s someone you love or can’t get away from like a family member or a boss. The only time words can have an effect on you beyond, yeah, I wish they hadn’t said that is when you accept those words as truth. Don’t accept these things. They’re coming from an unreliable source. What if I listened to the spiteful coworker over my father in heaven, what he says about me, whole different story.

Notice, both of these things don’t require the other person to change. I didn’t say, communicate and they’ll come around, it’s because you can only control you, you can’t control what other people say, honestly there’s always going to be someone who doesn’t have something nice to say, we have to become bulletproof ourselves so that we don’t become bitter, held back, and just like them so the cycle continue. We can stop the cycles in our own lives.

--

--

--

Writer, mover, ground breaker

Love podcasts or audiobooks? Learn on the go with our new app.

Recommended from Medium

F*** it Till You Make It

Avoiding the Cross Roads — Averting Personal Crisis

We All Should Follow Our Dreams As We Should Have More Than One to Conquer!

A Formula For Success I Learned From My Coach And Other Gurus

The Two Paces Of Change

Playing Pool With a Guy Who Has Amnesia from Being Shot in the Head in ‘Nam

a man playing pool

Harm’s Way: A guide to my current Pandemic Status…

Letting go of our grudges to find happiness again

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Hannah Fernald

Hannah Fernald

Writer, mover, ground breaker

More from Medium

The Story of Greatness

How Laziness Can Equal More Discipline

undisciplined dog sleeping

How to prevent jealousy from turning your life into a theatrical tragedy.

The time frame of life we forget about