Why we Heal
You get bitter or you get better
Another way of looking at it is you either heal or you get revenge
The thing with revenge is that you have to become what you hate because you have to get even. If you’re not that thing you forgive, that’s the only other option.
The thing is that we think that when we hold resentment towards the other person that it hurts them, it’s justice. To a certain degree, especially if it’s someone close to you, they’ll be hurt like that. But this is articificial power you see. Because you don’t have power over them, they have power over you, because you’re acting according to them, not the other way around. And you see, even if you have any power over them it’s fickle because it’s only to the degree that they give it to you, so as soon as they wise up and think, you know what, I’m tired of being powerless, I’m gonna be powerful, you’ve lost your game.
The best quote I’ve heard on unforgiveness is this, not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
I work in geriatrics, I work with the elderly and it is night and day when you see someone who has been harboring bitterness towards someone for decades vs. someone whose happy and doing their own thing. You can’t escape this truth.
See we think that forgiveness is for the other person, and don’t get me wrong, I’m married, I understand the power of the question, will you forgive me. That being said, it’s 10,000 times more for you. Forgiveness isn’t saying that what that person did was okay, it’s not saying that you have to trust them, or even ever talk to them again, but it says, I will not longer tie myself to you or this situation, because that’s what unforgiveness does, it’s chains that hold you to that moment in time and you can’t move on.
You can’t start to heal until you let go. The best revenge is living a good life. It doesn’t feel like it in the moment, it doesn’t seem as satisfying about it, but what a reality is when both of you guys realize that you are better off without that person in your life.
And look, you deserve to live a good life, a fulfilled life, unhindered. That person doesn’t deserve that power in your life, don’t give it to them. I know it’s hard, but I know it’s possible.
Forgiving someone means I reset the standard and treat you as if you never did that thing.